英语4人搞笑小话剧

焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)

刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)

焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)

刘母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)

太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)

强盗burglars(abandc)

prologue 序幕

(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)

j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my

wife is wusong

译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。

(指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!

译：我才不怕你呢！

(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hoodshe is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me all this i donot care i only want she to be tender than me but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!

译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)

my god! who can help me(下)

译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？

act1 第一幕

(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)

jm(拄拐棍上):i can!

(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you

l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum

jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”

l:okmy most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up

jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badlyyou have been so rude, so brusque,so

lazy……

l:but……

jm:never interrupt me!

l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard all

daylong,cooking and washing i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken

and……

jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!

l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you(开始解围裙)go and ask your son i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)

act2

(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)

l:mum, i’m back!

lm:you are backwhywhat happened

l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law

lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on

marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listen

to me look at yourself……

l:but,mum……

lm:never interrupt me!

l:mum,i’m not interrupting you i just want to tell you that you are always right ok and

i’ll marry whomever you want me to

lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the markethe said:“if your daughter

haven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll go

and tell him(下)

l(惊愕):what the mayor’s sonthe most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood (手中的锅

铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)

act3

(j睡眼惺忪上)

j(边走边道):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks

(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!

(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself

(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh,i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围

裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! now

she has gonei have to cook for my mother and myself

jm(上):where’s my breakfast where’slunchhasn’t she got up yet

j:mum, can’t you rememberlunch has gone!

jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless lunch is an ice

girl,go and take her back!

j(立正敬礼):yes madam!

act4

(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)

a:hey you!stop and listen to us!

the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)

ab&c:give us all your money!

j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough

(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)

a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!

b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!

c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulanzhi next monthwe can go and

rob the wedding!

a&b:good idea!

j(惊讶):what what lunch is going to get married it’s impossible!

ab&c:why a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!

j:but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!

(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou i’ll go

with you you take the money and i take the bride

b:have you got any experience

j:no but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)

(j和三强盗跃至台中)

abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!

a:the road is built by me!

b:and i planted one tree

c:if you want to go by this street---

j:give us all your money!

(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)

l(惊喜万分):johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)

(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒)

j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）

(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)

(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)

j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you

l(哭状):i hurt a lot!

j:don’t cry babyi’ll go and fetch the medicine (下)

l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)

美国情景剧《成长的烦恼》，有空可以到普特英语网下载，wwwputclubcom

人物：Tom，Jack 和 forune teller！

镜头一:

Jack：Tom，who do you think the man with a yellow straw hat on the stool in front of the palm trees？

Tom：I guess he must be a fortune teller

Jack：Are you sure

Tom：Yes,without a doubt You see he is looking forward to talking to someone

Jack：Maybe you are right But Tom, can you read the palm

Tom：Yes, I have read a lot of books about reading the palmMay I read your palm

Jack: Yes,I’d love to But I want to make fun of himIt is very funny

镜头二:

(They pass through the sidewalk and walk to the fortune teller)

这个时候，Tom马上变换角色,去扮演算命师傅对白精彩在这了

Jack: Hi, my name is Jacke Would you please read my palm

Fortune teller: Yes,welcome to here Sit down please Give me your left hand

Jack:ButI had a bad car accident last yearI lost my left arm Nowadays , I do everything with my right hand Life with one arm is very difficult

Fortune teller: Are you kidding me

Jack: No I am serious I hope you guess what I want to know

Fortune teller: Now,please give your right hand Let me see…You must be between jobs Your wish is to become a millionaire But You do not know what to doLet me tell you

Jack:You are wrong I am not poor Though I am not a

million, I have a company, a flat,a car and 80,000 dollars

Fortune teller: Oh, I know Your girlfriend must have left you You have lots of shortcomings Maybe you don’t make the bed Maybe you don’t clean the dishes Maybe you are always in a bad mood You must be as stubborn as a mule If I were you, I would make a apology to her at first

Jack: No,many girls like me I have you guess the last chanceIf you are wrong again, I won’t pay you money

Fortune teller:You are up to monkey businessIf I knew it, I would not read your palm

Jack: You are right You guess the answer is rightBut it was too lateI hope you guess if I can pay you money

2--Do you know much about computers

--Not a great deal

--I've just been reading an article about them

They are used for all sorts of things now

--For accounting systems and things you mean

--Yes, but they're used for other things too Do

you remember when we went to buy our tickets for

the flight to Greece

--Yes

--The man asked where we wanted to go, then he

typed out the information on a form and waited

for a reply A few moments later he gave us our

tickets

--Of course His machine must have been connected

to a computer

--That's right

3关于不同爱好的对话

Michael: hi, Charles, how are you

Charles: fine Thanks You look great

Michael: thank you You know what I took tennis classes recently and I find myself so crazy about it I feel so energetic after playing tennis Do you play tennis

Charles: No I don’t I play football Tennis is not as exciting as football

Michael: Charlie, I am afraid I can’t agree with you at this point It is much easier to find one tennis partner rather than finding a whole bunch of people to play football

Charlie: well, don’t you think more people are more exciting Playing tennis is like playing a ping pong game Just playing back and forth It’s a kind of boring

Michael: Noooooooo! When you play tennis, you can keep fit and you don’t get hurt There is too much body contact in playing football I don’t want to be pushed, be stepped, be knocked down or……

Charles: that’s the best part of the game

Michael: Sorry I can’t talk to you now I have to go to my tennis club now My partner is waiting for me there

Charles: ok I have to call my buddies about our football match this afternoon Bye!

Michael: bye!

4纯属原创，大家都是过来人，知道你的难处。还望笑纳。

(最后有点搞笑的成分)

人物：Rose, I(named Jack)

Rose: Hi, Jack

Jack: Hi, Rose

Rose: Long time no see, how are you doing

Jack: I'm doing terribly bad And how about you

Rose: I'm fine, thank you But you, what's up

Jack: I just cannot find a agreeable job The salary offered by those companies are really too low I've had interview several companies, and they all felt satified to my performance, but when

hearing my salary request, they all could not offer

Rose: Almost the same with my situation The current job market is so stagnant I'd have to adapt myself to the reality

Jack: I cannot agree with you more But you know, the salary they offered could even hardly afford my daily consumptionI just feel that's gotdamn crazy

Rose: Hey, Jack, come on Do you know the current situation of job market There will be nearly 5 million college graduates nationwide, inclusive of a lot of masters For my own sake, I gave up my baseline at last Today, I've just signed a job contract with XX(公司名)

Jack: You're really appreciated to remind me I gotta find a job as soon as possible even with a pretty low salary

Rose: Cheer up, Jack I don't think it matters to start with a low salary You know, gold will shine everywhere I believe you can get a decent job within 3 years as long as you're hard enough

Jack: Thank you very much for your encouragement Let us make a brilliant future hand in hand

Rose: Hey，Jack Don这有英语对话，你自己看!http://bookmarkhexuncom/weixiang1015/detailframeaspxbid=1435032

't touch me

喜欢化妆的姐妹都知道~气垫，它可以起到遮瑕作用，让皮肤看起来很自然。上大学的阶段，轻松一款气垫就可以轻松打造出好皮肤，并且我在这方面也做了很多功课的。

以下五款气垫是我经常回购的，有的已经回购多次了，价格亲民又好用~

1、espoir气垫金盒

参考价格：116元

这款气垫是专为亚洲人打造的一款底妆单品，在颜色调配和妆效上亲测更贴和黄皮的需求。

用时感觉气垫整体妆效自带轻微水光感，有种从皮肤内透出的自然光泽，更偏向“妈生皮”的底妆妆效，口碑不错的，并且贴肤感受自然又透气，也是我经常回购的一款。

2、爱敬AGE20'S粉气垫

参考价格：106元

爱敬气垫是一款相当经典的底妆单品了。气垫的水润特点，让它在各类皮肤上的表现都非常不错。和传统气垫不同，爱敬的气垫更像是粉底膏一样的上妆体验感。

这款气垫的一大优势就在于亲肤性，上妆后的皮肤更像是天生好皮的质感。另外，用后这款气垫的持妆力不错，在水润感底妆中算是很优秀的产品了。

3、郑瑄茉气垫

参考价格：168元

这款气垫对于底妆的需求“拿捏”得相当到位。气垫的粉体细腻度中等，上脸亲肤效果不错，整体妆效是通透奶油肌妆感。

气垫在整体色调的把控上非常优秀，我是混油皮，在上妆均匀肤色和自然提亮的效果不错，而且能够长效持妆不容易暗沉，很好用~

4、稚优泉气垫

参考价格：89元

稚优泉气垫有自然色、亮肤色两个色，还包含两个替换装，性价比真的很高，即使学生党和普通白领一族种草也毫无压力。

它的质地很滋润轻薄，遮瑕效果还不错，一般的瑕疵能遮住，但妆容感不强，整体比较自然，伪裸妆的妹子可以用自然色来打造素颜妆，可以日常出妆搭配~

5、珂莱欧气垫BB

参考价格：98元

这款珂莱欧气垫BB，最大的特点就是遮瑕效果好，属于丝滑哑光妆容，油皮、混油皮用起来会很服帖。

它的保湿精华含量67%，即使重复涂抹也不易结块、卡粉，打造丝滑肌肤，持妆效果很好，长达46小时都不易脱妆。用后感觉遮瑕效果确实不错，追求遮瑕的妹纸可以试试。

小贴士

挑选气垫的时候，除了参考价格，参考口碑，也要参考这款颜色是否适合肤色。只有合适的才是最好的，才会打造出美丽的妆容。

[顾温明]

——摘自程的诗《昆瑞时，豫园西，苗都》。》

文:文读作文，文五行属水。用作人名，意思是有文采，聪明，文静，内敛。

明:阴字读曰，二字五行属金。用作人名时，寓意吉祥、高贵典雅，气质非凡；[顾玉荣]

——诗《玉树兰芝》出自《成语》

玉:玉字读作玉，玉的五行属金。用作人名时，表示美丽、高贵、高贵。容:容读作容，容的五行属木。它被用作人名，意为美丽、纯洁和美丽。[顾廷智]

——出自王诗“疑日炎引火伞，夕树惊庭。》

庭:庭字读作庭，庭字五行属火。用作人名，意为光明磊落、幸福吉祥、富贵；叙:阚读作玄，阚五行属木。用作人名，表示温柔、快乐、贤惠；

[谷雨Xi]

——出自屈原的诗《要悲就悲，要离就离，要喜就喜，要喜就喜，彼此都是新的》。》

玉读作玉，玉的五行属水。用作人名，意为聪明、美丽、美貌。Xi: Xi读作Xi，Xi的五行是金。用作人名，表示女子美丽、迷人、温柔、贤惠；