"Pilot"
Episode #101
Original Airdate 9/21/98
SCENE I: Grace's Apartment/Will's Apartment
(The scene cuts between the two apartments; WILL is watching TV and talking to GRACE on the phone)
WILL: What are you doing
GRACE: Hanging out
WILL: Come over
GRACE: Will, I can't
WILL: Come on, Grace You know you want to
GRACE: Of course I want to, but--
WILL: It's going to be a good one I can feel it
GRACE: It's always good Still--
WILL: You're not going to come over, you want me to, uh talk you through it
GRACE: It's tempting, but I think I'll watch ER here
WILL: Another night alone with my clicker
GRACE: Oh, is that what the kids are calling it So, I went back to the sale today
WILL: Yeah Did you get that black, flowy thing
GRACE: No, you were right It's too "Stevie Nicks: The Heavy Years"
WILL: Eriq La Salle just smiled
GRACE: Really
WILL: No Did you buy anything
GRACE: Yeah I got a great camisole
WILL: Yeah Sexy
DANNY: [WALKING BY] I'm going to sleep
GRACE: Ask me in the morning
WILL: Was that Danny
GRACE: Yeah Jealous
WILL: Huh! Honey, I don't need your man I got George Clooney
GRACE: Sorry, babe He doesn't bat for your team
WILL: Well He hasn't seen me pitch
GRACE: Ok Say good night, Gracie
WILL: Good night, Gracie
SCENE II: Will's Apartment
(WILL is playing poker with JACK, ROB, and JURGEN)
WILL: It's to you, Jack
JACK: Give me a minute Please Ok [SINGING] A room without windows A room without doors
WILL: [ANNOYED] It's to you, Jack
JACK: Give me a minute, please Wow! [SINGING] A room where no guy but I can spy--[HUMMING] Nooo, not going to risk it this time 4 cards, please [EVERYONE SIGHS] Here's my ace [SHOWS HIS CARD]
WILL: Jack, now that you're moving in, can I make one small request
JACK: What's that
WILL: Change everything about your personality
JACK: Ha ha! I get it Comedy
ROB: [TO WILL] You didn't tell me Jack was moving in with you
WILL: Not moving in He's just staying with me till his apartment's finished
JURGEN: [HUMMING] Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm
JACK: Oh, I know that one! I know-- Uh, [SINGING] Did he need a stronger hand--
WILL: Yeah Jack He's not humming your intro, ok That's just a straight guy's way of thinking that you and I could ever be a couple
JACK: [TO JURGEN] Ok, first of all, Will should only be so lucky, ok So let's just clear that right up Second of all, you don't even know me that well Why would you just assume that I was gay [EVERYONE LAUGHS] Are you finished Ok FYI, folks, most people that meet me do not know that I am gay
WILL: Jack, blind and deaf people know you're gay Dead people know you're gay
JURGEN: Can we play poker
WILL: Yes Come on, who's in
ROB: Yes
JACK: I'm in for 10
GRACE: [ENTERING] I'm fine
WILL: Grace
GRACE: You keep playing
JACK: Oh, look, it's Sporty Spice
WILL: Did you and Danny have a fight
GRACE: Yeah, but I-- I don't want to talk about it right now I can't even think straight
WILL: That's funny Neither can Jack
JACK: Grace, did you know I was gay when you met me
GRACE: My dog knew
SCENE III: Will's Apartment
(WILL and GRACE are picking up after the poker game)
GRACE: Some fabrics never came in, and I wasn't able to make the presentation Diamond Interiors got the job
WILL: Oh, I'm sorry What a disappointment
GRACE: Thank you! See That's all I wanted to hear, but Danny said, "Well, when you put everything off till the last minute"
WILL: Ooh
GRACE: Yeah And I lost it I started screaming, "Why can't you just let me have my feelings"
WILL: Grace, that is so Barbara DeAngelis "Making Love Work"
GRACE: I know Wasn't it
WILL: Yeah
GRACE: And then he says-- Get this-- "You don't have to get hysterical You sound just like your mother"
WILL: If you were on "Jerry Springer," that's the minute you jump out of your chair
GRACE: Yeah Can you believe that
WILL: Hmm You're staying here tonight Go wash your face I'll make up your bed
GRACE: [SIGHS] "You sound just like your mother" What kind of a person says that
[GRACE EXITS TO THE BATHROOM]
WILL: A person you should've dumped a year ago
GRACE: [OFF-SCREEN] What
WILL: I said I hear they're re-releasing Vertigo
[A KNOCK ON THE DOOR]
GRACE: [OFF-SCREEN] "You sound just like your mother" When you want push someone's buttons, that'll do it
JACK: [ENTERING, CARRYING GUAPO'S BIRDCAGE AND HIS LUGGAGE] Hey, roomie!
WILL: Ohh! Jack, you can't move in tonight
JACK: What
WILL: Grace is very upset I told her she could stay here tonight You can move in tomorrow
JACK: Ok, that's interesting You think maybe you could've told me this-- Oh, I don't know-- Before I packed up my entire life!
WILL: You don't understand Grace has had a really-- What's in the hat box, your tiara
JACK: [MOCKING LAUGHTER] Ah-ha ha ha [TO THE BIRDCAGE] Look, Guapo, he made a funny Shut up, Will! I just schlepped all the way over here from the East Side, and you know how much Guapo hates riding in taxis!
WILL: Ok Ok Take it easy, Jack You sound just like your mother
JACK: [HORRIFIED GASP] Crossing the line! Ok, you nasty, bitter, lonely, balding man I don't need this crap from you, Will You know what I just don't need it [EXITING] What time tomorrow
WILL: 8:00-ish
JACK: [EXITING] Fine
SCENE IV: Will's Office
(WILL is having a meeting with his client, HARLIN)
HARLIN: You're my lawyer You tell me What have I got to do to buy this company
WILL: Well, first you've got to get something called a Hart-Scott-Rodino antitrust clearance and then we can negotiate standstills and lockups Naturally, that's after we do due diligence
HARLIN: What the hell is doo-doo diligence
WILL: No, Harlin, after we do due diligence
HARLIN: Doesn't matter how slow you say it, Will It's still doo-doo, isn't it I just want to know what it means
WILL: It's just crap that lawyers deal with Harlin, I'll handle it I've been representing your corporation for 5 years now, remember
HARLIN: I know, but my wife's been bugging me about the business lately She wants me to be a little more hands-on
WILL: You sure she's talking about the business
HARLIN: [LAUGHS] Yeah, she's talking about the business But I trust you, Will, so you do that doodoo That you do so well [HARLIN EXITS]
WILL'S ASSISTANT (OVER THE INTERCOM): [BUZZ] Will, it's Grace on line one
WILL: Hey
GRACE: Can I stay at your apartment again tonight
WILL: Of course As long as you want What are you doing
GRACE: I'm looking for tissues
WILL: Have your assistant get them for you
GRACE: She's late again
WILL: [SCOFFS] Oh! Fire her already
GRACE: I'm not going to fire Karen Her social contacts keep my business afloat
WILL: Why does she even work I mean, isn't she worth, like, a gazillion dollars
GRACE: She feels working keeps her down to earth
KAREN: [ENTERING] I know I'm late My driver had another bronchial incident It was disgusting I had to raise the partition But that's no excuse I should be punished I'm writing you a check
WILL [OVER SPEAKERPHONE]: Karen, tell Grace she should fire you
KAREN: Grace, tell Will to redirect his anger at his mother where it belongs Whoops
GRACE: [TO WILL] Call me later
WILL [OVER SPEAKERPHONE]: Bye [GRACE HANGS UP THE PHONE]
KAREN: All right, honey, here you go Guilt, be gone!
GRACE: Karen, I don't want a check I want assistance I'm the boss I give you checks
KAREN: Yes, you do, honey, and I love them I do You know, I keep them all right here in this box So, what else
GRACE: [SIGHS] Danny and I got into a fight
KAREN: Oh, honey, call him and make up
GRACE: Why would I do that It wasn't my fault
KAREN: Well, in the long run, it doesn't matter
GRACE: I don't know that there's going to be a long run
KAREN: UhGrace You're You're what, 40
GRACE: I'll be 31 next month
KAREN: So I rounded up [BEAT] Honey, Danny is a good catch You've been living together for a year Close the deal already
[THE TELEPHONE RINGS]
KAREN: I'm serious, Grace Pick up the pace
[RING]
GRACE: I'm serious, Karen Pick up the phone
[RING]
KAREN: Oh! [KAREN PICKS UP THE PHONE] Grace Adler Designs
SCENE V: Will's Apartment
(WILL, GRACE, ROB, and ELLEN are finishing up dinner)
ELLEN: So, Will, have you seen Michael since you two broke up
WILL: Uh--
GRACE: No, he hasn't, but I have Michael's not doing well He got fat, he's depressed, cheap haircuts, not good Actually it's really sad
ROB: What are you talking about I just saw him He looks great
GRACE: Uh, Robyou're dismissed
WILL: Thanks for trying, sweetie
GRACE: His haircut really was awful
WILL: I know You know what I think it's time for $25,000 Pyramid
ROB: Hello!
ELLEN: All right So, Will, are you going to keep the place
WILL: Well, I thought it was going to be a little too expensive, so I told Jack--
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WILL: Oh, no
JACK: [ENTERING, CARRYING HIS LUGGAGE AND GUAPO'S BIRDCAGE] Hi, honey, I'm home Oh, are we entertaining [TO ROB AND ELLEN] Welcome!
WILL: Jack, I meant to call you, but I--
JACK: Don't even--!
GRACE: Wait, wait I can stay at Rob and Ellen's tonight
JACK: No, you can't, Grace, because, apparently, you matter How about that
WILL: Jack, I am so sorry I-- Are bandannas back in 'Cause I didn't get that memo
JACK: [SING-SONG] Ha, ha-ha Ha, ha, ha, ha Let me tell you something, Will Truman, ok I don't need to live here, all right And you know what Guess who loses Hello, you do, because I could've turned you into a human being instead of this rude, self-absorbed, getting chunkier every day-- Oops, did that slip out-- Thing that you are [BEAT] What time tomorrow
WILL: 8:00-ish
JACK: Fine [JACK EXITS]
WILL: Let's play the pyramid!
ELLEN: Ok You two first
GRACE: Ok You give, I'll receive
WILL: Just as God intended it
ROB: Ellen's timing Here's your first subject
WILL: All right
ROB: Go
WILL: Ok, ok Uh [READING THE CARD] Oh, driftwood UhJohn Wayne Your parents' marriage
GRACE: Things that are dead
WILL: Yes Uhmy one night stand on Fire Island
GRACE: Latin things!
WILL: Good Uh The postcard I sent you from Italy Uh, "Everybody Hurts" by REM
GRACE: Oh! Things that make you cry!
WILL: Yes UmProfessor Gopnick's teeth--
GRACE: Things that are yellow!
WILL: Yes And, uha cane Uh, uh, a railing
GRACE: Huh No, come on, give me another clue!
WILL: Uheach other
GRACE: Things that you lean on!
WILL: That's it!
GRACE: Yeah!
ELLEN: You guys That was amazing, Grace You and Danny never do this well when we play
GRACE: I know I'm going to break up with him [SIGHS] It's just time Our relationship has reached a fork in the road, andending it with Danny is the rightprong Excuse me [GRACE EXITS TO THE BATHROOM]
WILL: Uh things that bring a dinner party to a crashing halt
SCENE VI: Will's Office
(GRACE is talking to WILL on the phone)
WILL: So, how did it go
GRACE: Not like I thought
WILL: Oh, Gracie, I'm sorry, but, you know, you give it some time--
GRACE: No, Will He proposed
SCENE VII: Grace's Office
(A DELIVERY MAN arrives with flowers)
DELIVERY GUY: Grace Adler Design
KAREN: Oh, my God, would you look at that Now, who in the world would be sending-- Oh, carnations They must be for you Oh, yup, they're from Danny Oh, well, isn't he a sweetheart Uh-- [READING THE CARD] Oh, my Well I'm surprised you're still walking
GRACE: Give me that [READING THE CARD, LAUGHING] Oh, he is so great I can't believe I ever doubted he was the one
SCENE VIII: Will's Apartment
(WILL and JACK are having dinner)
WILL: Bon appetit So, what am I going to do about Grace
JACK: What's the big deal Why don't you Can I get a skosh more gravy [MAKES A CHOKING NOISE] It's a little dry You don't like Danny, I mean, just tell her it's a bad idea
WILL: I don't tell people who to marry
JACK: Ok, you always tell me what you think of the men I date
WILL: I'm talking about marriage, not Rudy, the Jewish cowboy you met on the Internet
JACK: Shalom, my lonesome prairie dog [BEAT] Look, she's your best friend, Will You have to tell her what you think Be honest
WILL: I can't Before my brother married Ginny, he asked me what I honestly thought of her Well, I told him She's morose and controlling and icy Well, they got married anyway Now she hates me, and my brother and I don't talk Couldn't handle losing Grace like that
JACK: Hmm You know, I'm going to call Rudy again [BEAT] Oh, God, I'm sorry But more importantly, it's terrible about you and your brother It's awful It's-- [JACK STOPS WILL FROM POURING HIM WINE] No, no, no, do you have any mineral water Sulfites
WILL: So, when are you moving in
JACK: Well, I'm going to be away on business for a while, and, uh--
WILL: With what--ha! What business
JACK: Business I have business And clients And work-relatedbusiness
WILL: How is the work-related client business these days
JACK: What is this Why do you have to be so mean
WILL: Because you love it, and I love you, and-- and you love gel And you have a home here when you get back
JACK: You see You can be a very great guy when you want to be
WILL: Well, I got to be nicer to you
JACK: Yes, you do
WILL: Because you are a good friend
JACK: Yes, I am
WILL: I know it's got to be rough on you
JACK: Will, don't
WILL: Trapped in a man's body like that
SCENE IX: Will's Apartment
(WILL is watching TV as GRACE enters)
GRACE: Hi
WILL: Hey
GRACE: What are you watching
WILL: Pop Up Video Turns out Fiona Apple doesn't particularly like apples Apple Brown Betty was invented by a guy named Darren, and get this: Bobby Darin's dog was named Fiona You get--what are the odds of that
GRACE: I said "yes"
WILL: What
GRACE: I said "yes"
WILL: Oh, my God Oh, my God! Come here!
GRACE: Aah! [WILL AND GRACE HUG]
WILL: Wow, let's have a look at that ring Oh, it's beautiful When is the stone being put in
GRACE: I knew you were going to say that
WILL: Well, this You know, I'm--I'm thirsty
GRACE: What
WILL: What what I'm happy for you
GRACE: Lying Lying man talking
WILL: Grace, stop it I am happy for you I want you two to have a great life together
GRACE: You do Oh, thank God I was so worried coming over here So I have your blessing then
WILL: Yes
GRACE: I love you
WILL: Love you
GRACE: Ok, I've got to go tell my family
WILL: Uh, Grace, don't
GRACE: I have to, Will They're paying
WILL: No I mean, don't marry Danny
GRACE: What
WILL: Honey, I got to be honest This guy's not enough for you I mean, your passion, and you're--you're creative and beautiful and perfect, and this guy, I mean, you should be with someone moresomebody else I mean, he's not funny, he doesn't know what your favorite flower is, he's passive-aggressive, the man high-five's you after sex, Grace You're so afraid you're never going to get married, you can't even see how wrong he is for you I mean, think about it If you really believed he was the one, would you be asking me for my blessing
GRACE: Go to hell, Will [GRACE EXITS]
SCENE X: Grace's Office
(KAREN is on the phone)
KAREN: [ON PHONE] No, Rosario-- por favor, honey, listen to me for a second, ok Take Olivia and Mason to la store de los toys
WILL: [ENTERING] Where's Grace
KAREN: [TO WILL] Oh, honey, thank God How do you say "toy store" in Spanish
WILL: Tienda de juguetes
KAREN: Mm-hmm Thanks [INTO PHONE] F A O-ye, Schwartz-o ¡Sí! Sí, Rosario Gracias Hola [HANGS UP PHONE]
WILL: I haven't slept I can't get any work done Where is she
KAREN: Will, just stop right there I cannot tell you anything It's a secret
WILL: What is
KAREN: She's at City Hall, getting married-- [TO HERSELF] Oh, devil! Oh!
WILL: What What about the big wedding
KAREN: Well, she thought it was best to get it over with quickly, not make a big to-do, and I say brava
[GRACE ENTERS, CRYING, WEARING A WEDDING DRESS]
WILL: Grace
GRACE: Oh, look who's here
WILL: I'm sorry--
GRACE: Oh, it's a little late for that
WILL: No, I'm here, Grace I'm here to support your marriage
GRACE: There is no marriage
WILL: What
GRACE: There is no marriage And you want to know why Because my best friend-- that would be the part you're supposed to play-- my best friend dropped a bomb of poo on my head!
KAREN: Ew Honey, um no
GRACE: I mean, I was fine! I was getting married and then you come along You come, and you poison with the the thorns from the-- the flower [CRYING] You know, I had this metaphor worked out earlier, but I'm just very upset right now
WILL: Gracie, I just want you to be happy
GRACE: No, Will You want me to be alone, like you
WILL: Is that the way you see this
GRACE: Yes!
WILL: That's interesting, 'cause I, uh never thought of myself as being alone [WILL EXITS]
KAREN: Well, that was a little harsh
GRACE: Good!
KAREN: Uh, y-yes, yes, it is He's a bad person, very bad Grace, I think it's time for a couple of blue bippies
GRACE: I don't want any pills
KAREN: They're not for you, honey They're for me [RATTLES THE PILLS] You know, marriage iswhat Marriage is Marriage is, ok What the hell, that's all you need to-- [GRACE HAS EXITED] Grace Oh! Now she's gone She's gone, and I'm sitting here talking to myself like a crazy person Oh, my god, listen to me I'm still doing it!
SCENE XI: Will's Office
(WILL is at his desk as GRACE enters)
GRACE: Will, I am--I am so sorry for what I said back there
[GRACE'S VEIL GETS CAUGHT IN THE DOOR, SNAPPING HER HEAD BACK WILL UNCATCHES IT FOR HER]
WILL: I know It was mean, but I know
GRACE: This morning, on the way to the ceremony, Danny looked at me and said, "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you," and I turned to him and said "you know, the limo has a phone" It wasn't right He was a smart, attractive man who loved me And who I loved, by the way Why wasn't it right
WILL: Sweetie, remember in college, we saw that French film about a man and a woman that were perfect for one another, but they kept missing each other, and in the last scene, they meet on a plane, because that's the way it was destined to be, remember And you said, "That's going to be me" Gracie, you're just in the middle of your movie Danny was a plot point, a nice, decent, postcoital-high-5-ing plot point There's still time, you know Go get some Raisinets
GRACE: I like Red Vines
WILL: Whatever you want The point is, it's not over If your movie's going to have a happy ending, you just have to see it through Come here
GRACE: Uh-uh
WILL: [KISSING HER FOREHEAD] Mwah! What do you say we go get a drink
GRACE: Yes!
WILL: What is with that dress
GRACE: Oh, give me a break I had 5 minutes to prepare for this
WILL: Still
SCENE XII: A Bar
(WILL and GRACE are drinking There are lots of patrons present)
PATRON #1: [TO WILL] I want you to make a toast to your lovely new bride!
CROWD: [CHEERING] Yeah! Yay!
WILL: Here's to the ball and chain If she makes it through the night, ba-bing! I think I'll keep her!
GRACE: Waitmy turn To my Will: You are my hero and my soul mate, and I'm a better woman for loving you
CROWD: Aww
PATRON #1: Hey, hey, hey, come on, you two, how's about a kiss
CROWD: Oh, yeah! Yeah! [CHANTING] Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
[WILL KISSES GRACE]
GRACE: Nothing Anything
WILL: Sorry Nothing Hmm
| One possible version: Dear Helen, I am sorry to hear that you have a bad cold Are you feeling better now At first, you should see a doctor You must have a good rest You should be in bed and drink more water You should take the medicine on time I hope you will be better soon Yours, Grace |
歌曲名:Grace
歌手:马友友&Bobby McFerrin
专辑:Hush (Remastered)
Will Young---Grace
鹰飞雁武 编辑
Feeling so strange I'm seeing you clearly now
Your beauty's deadlier everyday
All these people am I the only one
Who found you out
Is no one willing to say, willing to say, willing to say
Why don't you slow down
Turn your head round
Been treading on hearts
That are giving in with a little
Grace - you're getting away with it
Words - but nothing to say with it
You smile and take what you need in any way that you please
Isn't it a shame
You've nothing to show from these
Lies - I told you you'd pay for it
Lonely are the days of your life
music
You spoke in rhymes and rhythms
The sweetest sounds
They drew me in like a moth to a flame
Oh, all these people you hurt along the way
Will haunt you now
'Cos things are going to change, going to change, going to change
Why don't you slow down
Turn your head round
Been treading on hearts
That are giving in with a little
Grace - you're getting away with it
Words - but nothing to say with it
You smile and take what you need in any way that you please
Isn't it a shame
You've Nothing to show from these
Lies - I told you you'd pay for it
Lonely are the days of your life
You're beginning to lose
Things are fading in front of your eyes
You've a long way to fall
Before you even realize
That this loneliness hurts
Lonely will be the days of your life
Oh
Grace - you're getting away with it
Words and nothing to say with it
You blame but you're not ashamed of it
Hurt - you don't feel the pain of it
Lie - straight in the face of it
Your mind - you should be afraid of it
Your grace - you're getting away with it
Nothing to get in my way
With a little grace - you're getting away with it
Words and nothing to say with it
Lonely are the days of your life
Lonely are the days
You lie - straight in the face of it
Your mind, your mind - you should be afraid
You're heading for trouble
end
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