求五人英语搞笑话剧

《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧）

焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)

焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)

太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)Prologue

(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)

J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy

wifeisWuSong

(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!

(内砸出一脸盆,Ｊ接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom

MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hoodSheisbraverthanme,

smarterthanmeandstrongerthanmeAllthisIdonotcareIonlywanthertobetender

thanmeButsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)

MyGod!Whocanhelpme(下)

Act1

(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)

JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!

(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou

L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum

JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland

dearestmother-in-law”

L:OKMymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup

JM:SinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadlyYouhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so

lazy……

L:But……

JM:Neverinterruptme!

L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall

daylong,cookingandwashingIhaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken

and……

JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!

L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour

sonI’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)Act2

(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)

L:Mum,I’mback!

LM:YouarebackWhyWhathappened

L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law

LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon

marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten

tomeLookatyourself……

L:But,mum……

LM:Neverinterruptme!

L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyouIjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOKAnd

I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto

LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarketHesaid:“Ifyoudaughter

Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo

andtellhim(下)

L(惊愕):WhatThemayor’ssonThemostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood(手中的锅

铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)Act3

(J睡眼惺忪上)

J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks

(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下)　Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!

(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself

(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围　　

　裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now

shehasgoneIhavetocookformymotherandmyself

JM(上):Where’smybreakfastWhere’sLunchHasn’tshegotupyet

J:Mum,can’tyourememberLunchhasgone!

JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuselessLunchisanice

girl,goandtakeherback!

J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!Act4

(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)

A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)

AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!

J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出１角硬币):Is1maoenough

(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)

A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!

B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!

C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonthWEcangoand

robthewedding!

A&B:Goodidea!

J(惊讶):WhatWhatLunchisgoingtogetmarriedIt’simpossible!

AB&C:WhyAprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!

J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!

(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyouI’llgo

　withyouYoutakethemoneyandItakethebride

B:Haveyougotanyexperience

J:NoButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄１，０００，０００)Act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)

(J和三强盗跃至台中)

ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!

B:AndIplantedonetree

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---

J:Giveusallyourmoney!

(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)

L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)

(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)

J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）

(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)

(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)

J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou

L(哭状):Ihurtalot!

J:Don’tcrybabyI’llgoandfetchthemedicine　(下)

L(起身去追):Waitforme!　(跑下)

(音乐起　CanYouCelebrate)

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搞笑版的孔雀东南飞的剧本，台词不多，但是加上背景音乐就够了（一边音乐一边跳，这个很有名的，那是我们的舞台剧就是这个）

Wanderseveryfivemiles

焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)

焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)

太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)

J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy

wifeisWuSong

(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!

(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom

MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hoodSheisbraverthanme,

smarterthanmeandstrongerthanmeAllthisIdonotcareIonlywanthertobetender

thanmeButsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)

MyGod!Whocanhelpme(下)

Act1

(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)

JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!

(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou

L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum

JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland

dearestmother-in-law”

L:OKMymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup

JM:SinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadlyYouhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so

lazy……

L:But……

JM:Neverinterruptme!

L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall

daylong,cookingandwashingIhaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken

and……

JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!

L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour

sonI’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

Act2

(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)

L:Mum,I’mback!

LM:YouarebackWhyWhathappened

L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law

LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon

marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten

tomeLookatyourself……

L:But,mum……

LM:Neverinterruptme!

L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyouIjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOKAnd

I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto

LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarketHesaid:“Ifyoudaughter

Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo

andtellhim(下)

L(惊愕):WhatThemayor’ssonThemostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood(手中的锅

铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)

Act3

(J睡眼惺忪上)

J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks

(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下)　Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!

(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself

(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围　　

　裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now

shehasgoneIhavetocookformymotherandmyself

JM(上):Where’smybreakfastWhere’sLunchHasn’tshegotupyet

J:Mum,can’tyourememberLunchhasgone!

JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuselessLunchisanice

girl,goandtakeherback!

J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!

Act4

(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)

A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)

AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!

J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough

(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)

A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!

B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!

C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonthWEcangoand

robthewedding!

A&B:Goodidea!

J(惊讶):WhatWhatLunchisgoingtogetmarriedIt’simpossible!

AB&C:WhyAprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!

J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!

(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyouI’llgo

　withyouYoutakethemoneyandItakethebride

B:Haveyougotanyexperience

J:NoButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

Act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)

(J和三强盗跃至台中)

ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!

B:AndIplantedonetree

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---

J:Giveusallyourmoney!

(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)

L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)

(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)

J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）

(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)

(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)

J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou

L(哭状):Ihurtalot!

J:Don’tcrybabyI’llgoandfetchthemedicine　(下)

L(起身去追):Waitforme!　(跑下)

(音乐起　CanYouCelebrate)

the end

中文翻译：焦仲卿 刘兰芝 焦母 刘母 太守之子 强盗 (甲、乙和丙) 第一幕仲卿：大家都说我怕老婆，但事实上，我像老虎一样强壮，（小 声）我的妻子就是武松。（指着上台处的门大声道）我不怕 你！（内砸出一脸盆，仲卿接住，当成盾牌护着头）然后， 我怕谁？ 我的妻子是最有名的女子在邻里间。 她比我勇敢， 比我聪明， 比我强。这些我都不在乎。我只想她能比我温柔点。但她不 是！有这样的妻子就像活在地狱中！ （内又砸出一卷纸筒，击中仲卿） 天哪！谁能帮帮我啊？（下） （焦母作窃听状） 焦母（拄拐棍上）： 我可以！ （对门内）兰芝！兰芝！你在哪儿啊？ 兰芝（扎着围裙，拿着锅铲，从门内跳出来）：我在这里！婆婆怎么啦？ 焦母：我一再告诉你，你应该叫我“我最美丽优雅的婆婆”。 兰芝：好的。我最美丽的优雅和亲爱的婆婆，怎么啦？ 焦母：自从你与我儿子结婚以来，你就很糟糕。你太不礼貌了，那么粗暴，那么懒 兰芝：但 焦母：不要打断我！ 兰芝：不要打断我！自从我嫁给你的儿子，那可怕的仲卿，我整天努力的干活，洗衣做饭。我养了数以万计的猪、鸡鸭和 焦母：但你所做的都不如一个宝贵的孙子！ 兰芝（生气地挥动着锅铲）：哦，你想有一个孙子，对不对？（开始解围裙）好，要你儿子吧。我走！（扯下围裙，扔在焦母 的脸上，下） 第二幕 （刘母坐在台上打毛线，兰芝拿着锅铲上） 兰芝：母亲，我回来了！ 刘母：你回来了？为什么呢？出什么事了？ 兰芝：我被我最美丽的优雅和最亲爱的婆婆赶出来了。 刘母（惊讶，但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情）：看！我早已告诉你！当初你坚持要嫁给那个可怕的家伙，我告诉你，他是丑陋的， 愚蠢和贫穷，但你没有听我的。看看你自己 兰芝：但是，母亲 刘母：不要打断我！ 兰芝： 母亲， 我没打断你了。 我只想告诉你， 难道你永远是对的吗？那你想要我嫁给谁。 刘母（大喜）：好女儿！刚刚，我在集市遇见了太守的儿子。他说： “如果你的女儿还没成亲，我真的真的想娶她！”现在你自由 了，我要去告诉他。（下） 兰芝 （惊愕） 什么？太守的儿子？最有名的花花公子在这里？ ： （手中的锅铲掉在地上）这是我做过最愚蠢的事情！（下） 第三幕 （仲卿睡眼惺忪上） 仲卿（边走边道）：兰芝！兰芝！我的袜子在哪里？（走了几步，在地上捡起袜子）就在这里！（闻一下）呃！好 臭！真脏！（突然想起）兰芝走了！我只能自己洗了。（他的 肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来） 哦， 我很饿！ 但没有早餐！ （捡 起地上的围裙）这是兰芝经常穿着的！我非常想念她，和她高 超的烹调技术！现在她走了。我不得不为我母亲和我做饭了。 焦母（上）：我的早餐在哪？兰芝在哪里？她还没有起床吗？ 仲卿：母亲，你不记得了吗？兰芝走了！ 焦母（沉吟片刻）：是啊，我告诉你，如没有了妻子你就没什么用了。兰芝是一个好的女人，去带她回来！ 仲卿（立正敬礼）：是的母亲 第四幕 （仲卿开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗） 强盗甲：哎，你！停下来！此路是我开！（抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上） 强盗乙：此树是我栽！（亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上） 强盗丙：要想从此过（欲踩石头，但踩到了一的脚） 强盗甲、乙和丙：留下买路钱 仲卿（搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出 1 角硬币）：1 毛够了吗？（三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量） 强盗甲：真倒霉！这家伙是个穷光蛋！ 强盗乙：如果我们今天抢不到钱的话，我们今晚就没饭吃！ 强盗丙：我听说太守的儿子下个月要娶刘芝兰，我们可以去抢亲！ 强盗甲和乙：好主意！ 仲卿（惊讶）：什么？你说什么？兰芝要成亲吗？不可能！ 强盗甲、乙和丙：为什么？一个漂亮的女人和一个富有的男人，多好的一对！ 仲卿： 但是兰芝是我的妻子！我们还没有离婚啊！ （突然有了主意）我有个想法！你不是要抢亲吗？我跟你一起去。钱给你们新 娘归我。 强盗乙：你有什么经验吗？ 仲卿：没有，但我有这个！（十脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1000000） 第五幕（转眼已到了婚礼之期。太守之子意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，兰芝 盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台） （仲卿和三强盗跃至台中） 强盗甲、乙、丙和仲卿：哎，你们！给我们停下来！ 强盗甲：此路是我开！ 强盗乙：此树是我栽！ 强盗丙：要想从此过， 仲卿：留下买路钱！（兰芝听到仲卿的声音，掀起了盖头） 兰芝（惊喜万分）：仲卿！（不顾一切地飞奔到仲卿的身边，并躲到了他的身后）（太守之子大怒，挥拳向仲卿打来。仲卿矮 身一躲，太守之子打中了仲卿身后的兰芝，兰芝晕倒） 仲卿（火冒三丈）：你怎么敢打我的妻子！（挥拳向太守之子冲去）（仲卿与太守之子混战，焦母上，以拐杖击晕太守之子） （仲卿将太守之子胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前） 仲卿（扶起兰芝，关切地问）：亲爱的，你还好吗？ 兰芝（哭状）：好疼啊！ 仲卿：别哭，宝贝。我去拿药。（下） 兰芝（起身去追）：等等我！（跑下）（音乐起）结束 结束

《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧）

Source: 2007-03-30 12:03:58 恒星英语学习网 Favorite Wanderseveryfivemiles

焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)

焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)

太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

Prologue

(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)

J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy

wifeisWuSong

(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!

(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom

MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hoodSheisbraverthanme,

smarterthanmeandstrongerthanmeAllthisIdonotcareIonlywanthertobetender

thanmeButsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)

MyGod!Whocanhelpme(下)

Act1

(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)

JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!

(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou

L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum

JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland

dearestmother-in-law”

L:OKMymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup

JM:SinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadlyYouhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so

lazy……

L:But……

JM:Neverinterruptme!

L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall

daylong,cookingandwashingIhaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken

and……

JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!

L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour

sonI’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

Act2

(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)

L:Mum,I’mback!

LM:YouarebackWhyWhathappened

L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law

LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon

marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten

tomeLookatyourself……

L:But,mum……

LM:Neverinterruptme!

L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyouIjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOKAnd

I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto

LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarketHesaid:“Ifyoudaughter

Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo

andtellhim(下)

L(惊愕):WhatThemayor’ssonThemostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood(手中的锅

铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)

Act3

(J睡眼惺忪上)

J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks

(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!

(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself

(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围

裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now

shehasgoneIhavetocookformymotherandmyself

JM(上):Where’smybreakfastWhere’sLunchHasn’tshegotupyet

J:Mum,can’tyourememberLunchhasgone!

JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuselessLunchisanice

girl,goandtakeherback!

J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!

Act4

(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)

A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)

AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!

J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough

(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)

A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!

B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!

C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonthWEcangoand

robthewedding!

A&B:Goodidea!

J(惊讶):WhatWhatLunchisgoingtogetmarriedIt’simpossible!

AB&C:WhyAprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!

J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!

(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyouI’llgo

withyouYoutakethemoneyandItakethebride

B:Haveyougotanyexperience

J:NoButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

Act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)

(J和三强盗跃至台中)

ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!

B:AndIplantedonetree

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---

J:Giveusallyourmoney!

(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)

L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)

(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)

J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）

(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)

(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)

J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou

L(哭状):Ihurtalot!

J:Don’tcrybabyI’llgoandfetchthemedicine (下)

L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)

(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)

英语幽默短剧剧本The Pocket Money

白雪公主与七个小矮人 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本

旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen She had a pretty daughter named Snow White Soon after the child was born, the queen died The queen married another queen The stepmother was very jealous She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on

白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on)

皇后：I’m the new queen I’m very beautiful you see If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her I have a magic mirror If I want to know something, It will tell me surelyNow, mirror, mirror, come here!

魔镜：Yes, I’m coming Your Majesty! What do you want to know

皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wallWho is the fairest of the all

魔镜：Yes Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I thinkBut there is a young lady She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebonyShe is much more beautiful than you

皇后：She is much more beautiful than meWho is she Tell me quickly

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英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》

Wanders every five miles

焦仲卿Johnny(J for short)刘兰芝Lunch(L for short)

焦母Johnny's mother(JM for short)刘母Lunch’s mother(LM for short)

太守之子Mayor’s son(MS for short)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)

J:Every body says that I'm henpecked,but in fact,I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my

wife is Wu Song

(指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you!

(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’m afraid of whom

My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hoodShe is braver than me,

smarter than me and stronger than meAll this I do not careI only want her to be tender

than meBut she is not!Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)

My God!Who can help me(下)

Act1

(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)

JM(拄拐棍上):I can!

(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Where are you

L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here!What’s up mum

JM:I’ve told you again and again that you should call me“my most beautiful graceful and

dearest mother-in-law”

L:OKMy most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’s up

JM:Since you married my son you have be haved so badlyYou have been so rude,so brusque,so

lazy……

L:But……

JM:Never interrupt me!

L:Never interrupt me!Since I married your son,that terrible Johnny,I have been working hard all

day long,cooking and washingI have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken

and……

JM:But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!

L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,you want a grandson,don’t you(开始解围裙)Go and ask your

sonI’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

Act2

(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)

L:Mum,I’m back!

LM:You are backWhyWhat happened

L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law

LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!I have already told you!When you insisted on

marrying that terrible Johnny,I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor,but you did not listen

to meLook at yourself……

L:But,mum……

LM:Never interrupt me!

L:Mum,I’m no tinterrupting youI just want to tell you that you are always right OKAnd

I’ll marry whom ever you want me to

LM(大喜):Nice girl!Just now,I met the mayor’s son in the marketHe said:“If your daughter

Haven’t been married,I really really want to marry her!”Now you are free again,I’ll go

and tell him(下)

L(惊愕):WhatThe mayor’s sonThe most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood(手中的锅

铲掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done!(下)

Act3

(J睡眼惺忪上)

J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Where are my socks

(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下) Er!How smelly!They are still dirty!

(突然想起)Lunch has gone!I have to wash them myself

(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’m so hungry!But there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围

裙)This is what Lunch always wears!I miss her so much,and her excellent cooking skill!Now

she has goneI have to cook for my mother and myself

JM(上):Where’s my breakfastWhere’s LunchHasn’t she got up yet

J:Mum,can’t you rememberLunch has gone!

JM(沉吟片刻):Well,to tell you the truth Johnny,as on without a wife is uselessLunch is a nice

girl,go and take her back!

J(立正敬礼):Yes madam!

Act4

(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)

A:Hey you!Stop and listen to us!

The road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

B:And I planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

C:If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)

AB&C:Give us all your money!

J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1 mao enough

(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)

A:What bad luck!This guy is broken!

B:If we cannot rob any money today,we will have nothing to eat tonight!

C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lan zhi next monthWE can go and

rob the wedding!

A&B:Good idea!

J(惊讶):WhatWhatLunch is going to get marriedIt’s impossible!

AB&C:WhyA pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple!

J:But Lunch is my wife!We haven’t got divorced yet!

(突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding,don’t youI’ll go

with youYou take the money and I take the bride

B:Have you got any experience

J:NoBut I’ve got this!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

Act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)

(J和三强盗跃至台中)

ABC&J:Hey you!Stop and listen to us!

A:The road is built by me!

B:And I planted one tree

C:If you want to go by this street---

J:Give us all your money!

(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)

L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)

(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)

J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向MS冲去）

(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)

(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)

J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,how are you

L(哭状):I hurt a lot!

J:Don’t cry babyI’ll go and fetch the medicine (下)

L(起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下)

(音乐起 Can You Celebrate)